“Dad, I talked to her politely, as you told me, but she continued to insult me,” my daughter told me on the way to school. “She even started to laugh at me after you left us.”
My daughter just started her third year at primary school and lives in already as much happiness as suffering.
She does not suffer because of duties or schedule, but because she always has to be kind, as she learned it from the crib; in a school environment that is not always nice.
The car stopped, along with our conversation.
We were at a red light signal that comes before turning to her school.
I saw my daughter in the rear view mirror. She lowered her head and I could read the pain on her face. When at last we arrived at the school, she jumped out of the car with her huge briefcase, smiled to say goodbye and ran towards the class.
I do not know the answer to her question
I knew she had done the right thing. If she had known how to answer to the other girl, she would have. My daughter has become the child I always wanted her to be: kind, caring, generous and nice to everyone.
At the same time she became a child unable to defend herself. When she meets someone who does not know kindness, she walks away….Teach your kids self-defense, bullies are everywhere.. Click To Tweet
I have always taught her that the important thing is to be kind and nice. This message is broadcasted in all the books, in all the drawings on the school’s walls.
Myself, I’ve always told her that. “Put yourself in others’ shoes before you say anything; think of how they would have felt if someone had hurt them.
We try to teach our children to understand others, to put themselves in their place, to adapt to the situation, to find a compromise, but… don’t they have the right to have their own feelings?
If my daughter listens and obeys all that’s said, she will gradually lose the right to speak in this world.
Today, it is very likely that she will eat a slice of pizza with cheese she dislikes instead of a slice with ham, for the simple reason that it is the only one left after the others chose what they liked.
It is very likely that she will not lift a finger and will keep the class in silence as she would like to share a different point of view on any subject.
She has been told: “be nice.” And she understood: “you do not have the right to …”.
I should know, I was raised with the same rules
In addition to being her dad, I am also this little boy that was raised with the same rules.
I know that these lessons will guide her in the future, that she won’t be considered equal to her colleagues; I do not know if she can bear humiliation without saying anything and who knows if she would even be abused by her husband.
Every woman should know that the line between “being nice” and “blind obedience” is very thin.
This is why it is important to understand the issue before it is too late
Learning to be kind and nice does not mean turning into a mop that everyone abuses, you have to respond harshly when someone mistreats you.
We must teach our children this basic lesson, being ourselves is the best example to follow: we must also know when to stop being nice when someone offends us or crosses the line and goes beyond the limits.
I always teach my daughter that we must put ourselves in the place of others and understand why they behave well. But when the situation does not require her to be friendly, she must know how to defend herself and retreat. We cannot accept being abused by others.
Personally I would like my daughter to become a good person, but I also wish she knows how to keep her self-respect intact.
What do you think? How are you raising your kids?
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